Mommy
Job Description
Last
revised on 9/23/2006 by the management
SUMMARY
Mommy
shall focus general guidance, care and countless hours on the development of
the children in their household in the areas of life education, physical
maturity, chores, manners, hygiene, and learning to walk, eat, talk and use the
potty.
AUTHORITY AND ACCOUNTABILITY
1.
The Mommy serves
by right of giving birth to one or more children for a lifetime term—without
possibility of voluntary resignation or external termination of employment.
2.
The Mommy shall
be directly accountable to God for their care of children.
3.
The Mommy shall
prepare monthly reports on their investment which will be displayed on the
refrigerator for other family members to view.
Typically these reports include a variety of watercolors and
crayon-pictures done by the children.
4.
The Mommy shall
communicate and maintain regularly scheduled work hours. She is usually required to work 126 hours a
week.
5.
The Mommy shall
also be serve on-call as other needs arise for 168 hours per week (7 x 24).
6.
The Mommy is
usually not paid for this work because it would cost too much. For comparable work, however, Mommy would be
paid $131,471 (as calculated by www.salary.com.)
7.
The Mommy shall
use the special gifts and abilities she has to engage in all kinds of home
matters as she sees fit beyond the core responsibilities most moms have.
8.
The Mommy shall
maintain friendships with other moms outside of the home in order to keep her
sanity.
9.
The Mommy shall
be rewarded with time by herself occasionally in order to ensure she does not
kill a living person or small pet in the household due to the unending &
unrelenting stress involved in parenting.
10. The Mommy shall pray continually for strength
throughout the day and read the Bible for spiritual growth consistently.
11. The Mommy shall delegate responsibilities to any
children, spouses, grandparents, babysitters, neighbors, or aunts and uncles as
she sees fit in order to maintain a reasonable work load and sharing of
responsibility.
12. However, no matter how much is delegated (such as
loading the dishwasher) all in the household will still acknowledge that the
work load is still no where near “even” as some may suggest. Suggesting otherwise is punishable by death
at the hands of Mommy.
PRIMARY RESPONSIBILITIES
2.
Hope – Implementation of a hope-oriented life full of joy
and expectancy for the future. The Mommy
shall keep things in perspective with her children—knowing that the child that
just poured out a jar of spaghetti sauce all over the couch may someday be a
great mayor or inventor or pastor or poet and thus contribute things to society
in a positive manner. The Mommy shall
not wish away the hard years of parenting, but will have hope that her work is
investing in the most important thing anyone could invest in: the next
generation—at a level of intensity and meaning that nothing else compares to.
3.
Love – The Mommy shall most of all be responsible to love
her children. She shall show this
through kissing boo-boos, hugging at bedtimes, and saying she loves them
whenever possible. She may not feel the
love in return but she shall treasure the moments when she does. She shall love her children with the kind of
love only a Mommy can understand or procure—and she shall also love her
children in the same way God loves us—who are all his children.
4.
Supervision
of Self – The Mommy shall
supervise herself in terms of health, emotional stability, intellectual growth
and spiritual development. She shall
seek the counsel of others, including trainers, accountability partners,
counselors, pastors, etc to ensure she is becoming the woman God wants her to
be. She will also need to save enough
energy to enforce
consequences of poor behavior in the children.
5.
Supervision
of Children – The Mommy shall
supervise each child in the home in all matters. No lip tolerated. The Mommy shall also work to fill up a
child's emotional bucket through encouragement and believing in the child.
6.
Supervision
of Spouse (if applicable) – If
the Mommy is blessed by also having a Daddy in the house, she shall from time
to time need to supervise him as well.
This can at times be frustrating if the Daddy is showing about as much
household initiative as the children themselves—thus providing the effect of
one more child in the home. Also,
sometimes Daddy attempts to assert ultimate and absolute final authority in the
home and may even quote certain scriptures about submission out of context in
order to back this up. If such a
situation arises the Mommy shall:
a. Either
determine that the debate is not worth the time considering all the laundry
that needs to be done. She will go about
her business knowing it doesn’t really matter and let him think what he wants
to think.
b. Or she shall
make the Daddy think that he is in
charge all the while subversively leading every major decision in the home
while the Daddy is distracted by whatever sports are playing on TV.
SECONDARY RESPONSIBILITIES
1.
Shall serve as
needed and/or gifted as chauffer, home repair coordinator, tax accountant,
travel agent, real estate agent, honey-do list creator, homework tutor and
supreme most-high chancellor of mealtime.
2.
Shall teach
children proper strategies, visionary approaches and the intra-family
intricacies of using the potty (such as putting the seat down if boys are
involved).
3.
Member of ruling
council of child punishment and enforcer of the time-out location parameters.
4.
General
neighborhood public relations, including telling the Daddy to mow the
lawn. In such cases when the Mommy is a
single-parent—or perhaps there is indeed a Daddy present in the home but the
playoffs of something are on—she shall mow the lawn herself.
5.
All other duties
as determined by God, society, and the Mommy herself.
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© 2006 by David Drury
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