RESPONSES to "Church Fight" column

The column outlined five stages of a Church Fight asking readers what advice they would give to ministerial students to avoid getting burned in such a raging fire.

YOUR ADVICE:

From: Pastor Charles Kitner
Perhaps this is why people point fingers toward the church and say they are a bunch of "hypocrites". The Bible says that people should know that we are people that belong to Christ by or LOVE one for another not in fighting with our brothers and sisters in the Lord.

From: "Russell K. Stuever"
The best way to avoid this problem as a pastor is to provide an open atmosphere in which problems and differences can be discussed. -- Russell K. Stuever

From: [email protected]
You hit our church at a timely juncture! I hope your next column will tell how to recover and heal from the brink of stage 4 (at least)--I am a lay leader in a Free Methodist Church. I'm much in prayer, and the situation is exploding around me. Help! -- -- Madelyn Crail

From: [email protected]
It seems to me that young pastors need to decide what the non-negotiable issues in their ministry will be. The things that they are willing to " die " for and stick to these with love and consideration to all concerned. -- W. Dirk Prise

From: RickS669 [email protected]
Wow! How fortunate you have been to have experienced or seen the early stages of church fights !!! That may have been how it used to be, but I have a feeling that most church fights skip your steps one and two. It's seems American society is damaged so much that there is no time for explanation or persuasion. Our culture is so raw that the least amount of discomfort is excruciating and intolerable both in the church and out. The volatility one sees in the church is frightening. --Rick

From: "James J. Lake"
We've been there and done that. My wife says, make tents and be self-supporting so that you're not always worrying about losing your ministry over what color carpet they decide to put in the women's washroom. Being a Pastor is like being a soldier. It is possible to be hurt by both friendly and enemy fire on any given day.

From: "Ed Castledine"
I know there are more, but these six things come to mind: 1. Come with no agenda. No church looks forward to someone who is coming to "fix" them.
2. Listen, honestly listen to them, for at least a year. Find out who and where they are on their
journey. Especially for young and aggressive pastors, this is challenging. 3. Seek counsel, both from older clergy and from laity. Young folks will be surprised to learn what
some of the old saints have learned through the years. 4. Respect your congregation. Respect them as a group and as Individuals. This results in mutual
respect that results in them listening better to what you have to say. 5. Work diligently. Your congregation does and if you want their respect you must earn it.
6. Know that they do not expect perfection from you, sincerity and effort yes, but perfection, no. So, don't beat yourself up emotionally when you fall before them. They know, because they have all fallen too. -- Once again, Keith, you have set me to thinking. Only, this time it is also causing some time of self-examination. The part about "ruining a man"- What a terrible concept to consider, especially in the Church. Thanks, Ed Castledine

From: [email protected]
From the pastoral perspective, I would say we need to be careful about the things we are willing to fight for. There are some things that go to the very heart of what the church is about, and some things are just preferences. -- Dwight Mikesell

FROM: [email protected]
1. I believe the first responsibility to avoid them rests with leadership. This does not mean we will always be successful, but "SO FAR AS IN YOU LIES be at peace with all men." SOME IDEAS THAT WILL HELP: 1. Understand the dynamics of leadership of a small church and don't violate the code without very good reason.
2. Build bridges of love and holiness in the context of a big vision--Mr. Wesley said that Methodism was raised up to reform the nation--big dreams attract big people.
3. As part of discipleship in the church, teach the philosophy of ministry and why you do what you do. Unify the church around the purpose. Keith, thanks for your good work. God bless you. Don Hardgrave Australia

From: Rod Pickett
There are several issues here (in no particular order):
THE ARROGANCE OF THE PARISHIONER. In [my own] tradition there tends to be an arrogance among the laity. Individuals believe that theology is a matter of faith, not education. Someone with a high-school education has little hesitation to argue the fine points of theology with a seminary-trained pastor. This is more than a distrust of education. In the mind of many lay people, education is irrelevant to theology. How can a pastor preach to someone who already has all the answers? How can a pastor lead if he has to obtain consensus first? THE ARROGANCE OF THE PASTOR There is a natural arrogance of youth that I experienced when I started my ministry too many years ago. There is an arrogance that comes from successfully completing a degree program. I can remember all the things I didn't know until I got in college, Bible school or seminary. But, by far, the greatest contributor to arrogance in the clergy is the glamorization of the "super pastor." He gets trotted out at denominational events. He travels all over the country telling "less-informed" pastors how he did it... Few of these hopeful strong leaders can tell the difference between a core issue and a peripheral dispute. They try to force their ideas, convictions and personal preferences on their congregations indiscriminately. They get so little positive reinforcement from their people and from denominational leaders that they can't afford to lose one battle. -- Rod

From: "Koontz, Dave"
Fortunately God anticipated the slow departure of the old man and put a couple of safeguards into the scriptures. First, we are to have a plurality of elders. If those men are chosen carefully (I Timothy 3 & Titus 1) and if the temptation to set the pastor apart as the sole leader is resisted, then the fight cannot get personal. The pastor has a unique and special position, but doctrine and other matters before the church must be the conviction of the church represented by the elders. No pastor should get hung out to dry by himself. Secondly, Matthew 28 provides very specific instructions on how to deal with disagreements and offenses. Unfortunately, few churches put either principle into practical action. Nothing outside of much prayer and the grace of God can hold any church together. It is extremely fragile, requiring the tender care of a diligent shepherd and yet the gates of hell shall not prevail against it. Thanks for your thoughtful column. Dave Koontz

From: [email protected]
I had a family in my last church who was masters at this. They would actually use those exact words . .. "Pastor, I just figured that since you were new here, it's possible that nobody had told you that the pastor is supposed to do this. I didn't want you to be embarrassed . . . you mean you *didn't* know? . . . gosh, I sure am glad I mentioned it to you." Some people are especially gifted at this. These fights almost always bo