The Ouija Bible

Specialized Bibles are really popular now -- like the "Couple's Bible" or the "Woman's Bible." I'm developing one of my own I'm sure you'll want: the OuijaÔ Bible. I'm sure it will be a big hit, especially on college campuses. The OuijaÔ Bible is especially designed to help you find God's will.

The instructions for using the new OuijaÔ Bible are pretty simple. First you pray, asking for God's guidance on a particular issue. Next you open the OuijaÔ Bible and browse until your eyes come to rest on the verse containing your answer. PRESTO! You get clear guidance on God's will.

Since lots of folk already use their Bibles this way, I've already been able to collect several great testimonials for my use in advertising.

I'll be using Jason's story for sure. Jason was a college sophomore with an intense burden for the lost. He was called to ministry and he "just couldn't wait to get out there and do it." Jason complained most about British Literature. "It's totally irrelevant to winning the lost -- what God called me to do." He yearned to drop out of college and travel around the country witnessing and preaching out of his Ford Fiesta. So Jason used the OuijaÔ Method to discover God's will. He prayerfully asked God to reveal His will through the Bible and sure enough he found his answer in 1 John 2:27: "As for you, the anointing you received from him remains in you, and you do not need anyone to teach you." Grateful for God revealing His will so clearly, Jason announced he was dropping all his classes and "going into evangelism."

And I think I'll use Lisa's story too. Lisa, a perky high school senior from Michigan was trying to decide which college to attend. She had narrowed it down to one school in Indiana and another in Colorado. Using the OuijaÔ Method she sought guidance from God's word. She found her answer in Micah 4:2: "Come, let us go to the mountain of the LORD; to the house of the God of Jacob. He will teach us his ways, so that we may walk in his paths." She told her entire youth group that week, "God gave me the answer I've been praying for right in His word." "He wants me to go to the mountains to study… here let me read the verse He gave me…"

For sure I'll use Michael's testimonial. Michael, a handsome college senior headed into local church music ministry had spent several summers traveling the four corners of the USA with a Christian band. Throughout his travels he developed a string of girls who were his admirers, with whom he carried on regular email conversations. During the fall of his senior year Michael began thinking about getting more serious with one of these girls he had strung along so far. As he put it, "most churches don't want a single music minister." The four "finalists" from his email romances included a high school sweetheart from New Jersey, a Bible school junior from Colorado, a preacher's daughter from Arizona, and a college president's daughter from North Carolina. Using the OuijaÔ Method he prayerfully sought God's will in the matter. Browsing through his well-worn Bible he found his answer. "Look! God gave me a verse to answer my question." It's right here in Psalm 75:6:, 'No one from the east or the west, or from the desert can exalt a man.'" While Michael wasn't sure how the "exalt" part related, he was absolutely convinced that God had told him to forget about the girl form the east (New Jersey), the west (Colorado) and the desert (Arizona). "It's as clear as the nose on your face," he said. That leaves only North Carolina!"

Admittedly one can use the OuijaÔ Method with a regular Bible. But my new OuijaÔ Edition of the Bible will be especially designed for such uses. You'll want to buy one as soon as they hit the Christian bookstores. And I suspect you'll get several for gifts too. I think it will be a big hit, don't you? All I've got to do now is find a publisher. (But that shouldn't be hard.)

OK. OK… All this is tongue in cheek. I'm not really developing a OuijaÔ Bible. But think about the issue here. What's really going on when we use the OuijaÔ Method to discover God's will? Is it totally illegitimate or is it a proper way to discover God's will? So, what do you think?

 


So what do you think?

To contribute to the thinking on this issue e-mail your response to Tuesday@indwes.edu

By Keith Drury, September, 2000. You are free to transmit, duplicate or distribute this article for non-profit use without permission.

Other "Thinking Drafts" and writing by Keith Drury -- http://www.indwes.edu/tuesday