Excerpt for IWU student study
in Spiritual Formation/LCE class
—from the book Unveiled Faces by
Keith Drury
© 2005 The Wesleyan Church
8
Hospitality
Hospitality
Hospitality is opening our homes, our hearts, and our lives to
others in order to develop loving relationships to the glory of God. The English word might sound too much like
“hospital” or “hospice” for us to greet the discipline with delight. However the Greek word brings out its
biblical meaning better—it means “lovers of strangers.” Hospitality is inviting people we don’t know
into our personal space and making them feel at home. It is a friend-making
skill. Practicing this
discipline brings us wonderful new friends and in the process we become more
interesting persons. In Hospitality we
give and get friendship. When we learn
it well it becomes an antidote to loneliness—our own and that of others.
Friend-making
Hospitality helps us develop friend-making skills. If
we’ve moved in the last five years maybe we’ve found it difficult to “break
into” our new church’s cliques. We may feel lonely. Or worse, maybe the church has no
cliques! Some churches have no groupings
of friends—people just attend like they would a movie: they watch the show and
go home. Churches can even be lonely
places sometimes. Hospitality practiced in a church helps people make friends.
A single person often does the inviting, but practiced well it will spread and
have massive social consequences. Though
the Bible commends hospitality and even commands it, we get something out of it
too. We get friends. Hospitality teaches us how to make friends—a
skill we will need more as we get older.
People who have “automatic friends” because they still live near
childhood friends and family sometimes never learn skills of friend-making. As
their friends die off one by one they are increasingly left alone and
friendless in the world simply. They had
friends but never made them. Learning the discipline of friend-making enables us to move
a thousand miles away or enter a nursing home far from family and not be
lonely. We can always have friends
because we know how to make them. We
should practice hospitality because it is right and good even if we got nothing
out of it, but it has significant personal benefits: friends
The spiritual discipline of hospitality
But this chapter is not about making friends or even the
discipline of practicing hospitality—it is about the spiritual
discipline of hospitality. What makes hospitality spiritual? For starters hospitality is commanded in the
Bible. Indeed all of the great religions
of the world insist on this virtue (that some other religions practice it
better than Christians should discomfort us).
But anyone can show hospitality.
What makes it a spiritual discipline—a Christian discipline—is when we
practice hospitality for Christ and the kingdom of God, not just to have a good
time with our friends after church. Just as dieting is not fasting so entertaining is not automatically
hospitality. Our motive is the test, and
the effect. Why do we invite other over,
and whom are we inviting. Our motive
will show us if we are practicing true Christian hospitality. The spiritual discipline of hospitality is
not about having fun with my friends but inviting strangers
too. Hospitality adds an invitation to
people not in my party-clique.
Hospitality reaches out to bring strangers
into the inner circle. Hospitality is
thus a self-less act. It is for the
other person, the stranger, the lonely person, the new person, and the person
who “doesn’t fit in.” This is why it is
a spiritual discipline and why it is rare—it is so unselfish. It becomes a “means of grace” as God works
through the relationships hospitality enables. God favors working through
groups. This is why He left us the
church instead of a command to engage in the solitary life. While many of the disciplines in this book
are solitary, they are not a way of life but are momentary. They should lead us back into the church where most of God’s sanctifying work is
done. When we practice hospitality we
connect with others through whom God speaks to us and to whom God speaks
through us. It is a discipline because
it is not natural. Naturally we invite
our friends to our homes; supernaturally we also invite strangers.
Hospitality in the Bible
The Bible gives frequent examples of hospitality. Abraham opened his tent to strangers. Jesus was born after his parents were offered
hospitality. Mary and Martha offered
their home to Jesus on his visits to Jerusalem. In fact hospitality was universally
considered a virtue in the ancient world where desert travel could mean death
if local people did not open their homes to travelers. But this practice is not
merely an ancient custom designed for ages without rest stops or motels. It is
a virtue we ought to practice today.
Paul simply told the Romans to “practice hospitality” (Romans 12:13). The writer of Hebrews
reminded us that by showing hospitality to strangers “some who did this have
entertained angels without realizing it.”(Hebrews 13:2) Peter said we were to “offer hospitality to
one another without grumbling.”(1 Peter 4:8-10) John instructed us on the how to treat
traveling speakers—“show hospitality
to such men” (3 John 7-8). Hospitality
was compulsory for the widows called to church work (1
Timothy 5:9-10) and church leaders too including bishops and overseers
(1 Timothy 3:2; Titus 1:7-8). Perhaps
the most startling teaching on hospitality comes from the mouth of Jesus. He taught that at the judgment some of us
would be condemned for our lack of hospitality to Him—only to discover that in
failing to see “a stranger and take him in” we were rejecting Jesus Himself (Matthew 25:34-40).
This is not to suggest a “hospitality or hell” doctrine, but certainly
we cannot ignore Jesus at this point.
Hospitality is not merely a nice thing to do. It may be introduced as evidence when we meet
Christ.
Why do we resist?
So, why are we so slow to invite people outside of our
social group into our homes? How come
so many of us go for weeks without opening up our homes to anyone else at all,
let alone inviting strangers
over? To start with, we are busy. Many of us live at such a frantic pace we
just don’t have the time to practice hospitality. We might arrange for a quick
meal at a restaurant or a night at the movies, but we simply don’t have time to
invite people to our homes. There are
other reasons though. If we invite all our friends or our small group over and
add a few “strangers” our friends may wonder, “What are they doing
here?” Most of us like stable cliques or
small groups and if we let our natural selves rule we will fellowship only with
those we already know and like. “Inviting strangers” into our cliques and groups makes our
friends feel awkward. So, we don’t even
try.
Hospitality
vs. entertainment
If we feel compelled to do
something “elaborate” whenever people come to our homes we may not be
practicing true hospitality at all. Putting
on a show for guests by rushing home to perfectly clean up the house and
arrange an impressive meal could indicate we are more concerned about
impressing people than extending them true hospitality. Hospitality is about the guest not the host. It does not focus on the host’s fancy skills
at preparation and house-keeping but it asks, “What will make people feel a
part of our family?” Being a fancy host
who “entertains” elaborately can be merely a way to gather an audience to
praise the host’s skills. Hospitality is inviting. It invites people into our family not to be
an audience. The best hospitality makes
strangers feel at home. Guests want to
kick off their shoes and put on slippers.
Our Example
Of course God is the original Host. God extended an invitation to us when we
were far off—even His enemies, for us to come into His family. He desires a relationship with us and calls
us to Him. God is the shepherd-host who
prepares a table before us. At His final
meal on earth, the “Lord’s Supper” He promised us that we would one day join
Him again at another meal—the “Marriage Supper of the Lamb.” God has invited us into the warmth of His
family. Now He asks us now to do
likewise—inviting others into our homes.
God is hospitable. Hospitality is
godly. Practicing the discipline of
hospitality makes us more like God.
Men and hospitality
Hospitality is sometimes wrongly considered a more feminine
virtue. But men are not exempt from the
call to hospitality. The “personal space” of men might be the garage, yard or
hunting lodge but men can still be inviting to strangers. Men practice hospitality when they call their
neighbor to their garage to help unload the lawn mower rather than insisting on
doing it themselves. When a man invites a couple of strangers along with his
friends to watch Monday night football he is practicing hospitality. Men practice hospitality when they invite an
outsider to join their traditional buddies on the annual hunting trip. Hospitality opens our personal space and our
lives to other people, especially strangers, in order to develop relationships
with them. Men should do this just as
much as women. Some just do it
differently.
Third step hospitality
Christians go a third step in hospitality. At least serious ones do. First step hospitality is inviting our
friends. But, what credit is it that we show hospitality to our friends? Not
much—this is the sort of things even pagans do.
It is not wrong to invite friends over, but it is not the spiritual
discipline of hospitality. If we need “discipline” to spend time with our friends
we probably need therapy! The spiritual
discipline of hospitality goes a second step: inviting
strangers, outsiders, foreigners, and outcasts into our
lives. This is why it is a discipline—it
isn’t normal behavior for self-centered people and self-protecting cliques to
reach out to strangers. This is
“second-step hospitality”—inviting strangers
along with our friends. However serious
Christians go a third step:—inviting their enemies to dinner. Third step hospitality brings an enemy into
our personal space in order to build or heal relationships. It is hard to eat with an enemy. Enemies either destroy the meal, or the meal
destroys the enemy. Christians destroy
their enemies by making them friends.
Eating together melts icy relationships, heals hurting wounds, and cures
smoldering anger. Either this happens or
the person walks away. Eating together
is sacred, perhaps even a “means of grace” when taken as such. Maybe this is why Jesus established the
Eucharist as the core of worship. Eating brings people together. So, are we ready for third-step hospitality:
inviting an enemy for dinner? Could we
invite someone estranged from our church to the next party? Of course, they could say no. But it is not about what they do, but
what we try to do. Most of Christ’s
church needs to move toward second-step hospitality—inviting strangers with our friends. But a few of us should feel compelled to go
so far as to practice third-step hospitality—showing hospitality to our
enemies.
Communal hospitality
This book is about personal disciplines
but we certainly ought to at least mention that there is such a thing as
“communal hospitality.” A group can be
hospitable or inhospitable just like an individual. Hospitality for a church is making room for
outsiders and turning them into insiders.
Some churches are simply inhospitable places. They claim, “We’re a loving church here—just
like a family.” What they don’t add is,
“In fact, this church is a family and nobody else can break into our
tight-knit family.” A church can be a
loving place for the people already in the club, yet be inhospitable to
outsiders. When a church practices
hospitality they warmly welcome newcomers.
We scoot down the pew to make room for visitors and don’t make them
clamber over our knees to find a seat.
We encourage new folk to lead a discussion in Sunday school or serve as
an usher. Hospitable churches make
newcomers feel at home. And the
newcomers stay because in a few weeks they consider the church their “home
church.” All churches get rid of strangers.
Inhospitable churches get rid of strangers by cold-shouldering them
away. Hospitable churches get rid of them by making them friends. When we
practice hospitality we are being like God—he invited us into His family when
we were His enemies. Of all places the
church should be the most hospitable.
How
to start practicing this discipline.
- Offer a guest room to the church.
Call the church office and offer your guest room to future speakers or
college groups who might need a place to stay when coming to your
church. The rise of motel lodging
for guest speakers is a great time-saver for the church, but often
banishes the speaker to a lonely life in a sterile atmosphere. Inviting a guest home will enrich you
life—and if you have children immensely affect their future. Of course don’t “entertain” them to
dearth or dump your problems on them. In fact, don’t even spend too much
time “picking their brains.” Just
let them rest just like they would at their own home—this is hospitality.
- Feed
the neighborhood birds. OK it
sounds silly but perhaps hospitality starts by feeding birds or even those
bothersome squirrels in your neighborhood?
If you’re the kind of person who’d rather shoot animals than
welcome them, perhaps this sort of attitude bleeds over into your
relationships with people too? If
so, learn to be more welcoming to the animal “trespassers” at your home
and you may become more welcoming to the human interlopers. If you start with those squirrels you
can later move up to people!
- Invite
neighbors over some night this week. How long have you lived where you
now live? Have you had your
neighbors into your home yet? For a
meal? Try one neighbor this
week—not even for the whole evening and fancy fiixins’—perhaps
just send out for pizza and get to know them. At least get them inside your “personal
space.”
- Offer
your house to the youth group. Youth groups are always looking for new
places to go. Offer your house, or
yard, or barn to the youth leaders in your church and decide ahead of time
you won’t do a walk-around damage assessment when they leave.
- Invite
a single or married person. If
you are married invite a single person to your home. If single invite a married couple. Find
someone unlike you whom you barely know and invite them to your home. Who
knows maybe you’ll make a new friend.
- Add
someone to your holiday dinner.
Can you think of anyone who might be alone this Thanksgiving or
Christmas? Why not invite them to
join you this coming holiday? You
wouldn’t lose much and they’d gain a whopping lot. If you were to do this who would you invite?
- Bring
a beggar home for dinner. If
you never see a beggar forget this one, but if you happen to see a hungry
person this week why not risk enough to bring them home for a dinner
before returning them to their corner.
Who knows, some have entertained angels doing this.
- What
other idea can you think of?
Now, what about you? What
are your specific plans to practice this discipline this week?
Helps for teaching and
leading your class or small group through this chapter are located at the back
of this book.