“Fences” to guarding yourself on the Internet
I used to work with ministers whose #1 temptation was
“overcoming impure thoughts” and I’ve
written plenty of that subject over the years and have
plenty of stories of how men (and some women too, though my wife works that
side of the street) have found complete victory in their thought life.
However there is less demand for help
with thought life nowadays among both pastors and my students. The #1 temptation today (for men at least) is
the attraction of Internet porn. In the last five years I have had dozens of
students or pastors talk to me about Internet porn and
not a single one ask me about impure thoughts.
Apparently the “battle line” has moved from the inner sanctum of the
mind to the outer action of porn surfing. My own University has installed
complex and expensive software to filter many of these sites, but the “law of
Windows” has reminded us repeatedly that for every program invented there are
always loopholes, back doors, and workarounds.
So, even with sophisticated software installed some students can still
access porn online, let alone get it by CD-ROM or DVD.
It will only get worse.
What once took an action of driving across town and publicly entering an
“adult book store” now can be done with a click of a mouse in the privacy of a
church office or residence hall. I’m no
expert on the subject but the kinds of things most of us professors tell
students are similar and I’m gathering them here to present to a retreat of
missionary men this week.
Most of us professors suggest the building of “fences” back
from the cliff to keep oneself from careening over the cliff into addiction and
even spiritual and marital destruction.
Of course these fences can be crawled under or climbed over by anyone
who is really clever with computers. The soldiers on the beach at
So here are some of the hints and tips most of us as
professors suggest to young men headed for ministry… and they might help older
men already in the ministry too.
1. Call it sin.
The first century did not have the
Internet and thus there are no explicit verses on Internet porn any more than
there are verses on cocaine use. But
that doesn’t get you off the hook.
So then call it sin. Be careful of labeling your porn surfing “a
problem I have” or a “this barrier to my effectiveness” or even [only] calling
it an addiction. If you are a Christian
also call it “sin.” Calling a behavior
or attitude sin gives us additional resources to help us overcome. A problem calls only for a solution. Sin calls for repentance, forgiveness, and
deliverance, all things God specializes in.
You may indeed have an addiction and you might need to admit that
too—but also label your addiction “sin” so you bring God into the recover
equation. God works with sin—it is one
of His specialties. He forgives,
delivers, and cleanses. Even secular godless people can overcome porn, but
Christians have an additional aid to help us overcome: God’s grace and cleansing
power. Label your Internet-porning “sin” and thus
open yourself up to God’s additional resources in deliverance.
2. Find other ways to satisfy some of the “propellants” of
your desire for Internet porn.
Danger/risk. Get a motorcycle, go rock climbing or
sky-diving
Boredom. Make a list
of ten exciting things you always wanted to do and start doing them.
Visual pleasure. Find pictures of great art, beautiful cars,
scenes from nature, mountains, lakes.
Reward. If you “owe
yourself a reward” for your hard work eat a gallon of ice cream or buy a sports
car.
Sex: Consider your
spouse as a means of sexual release, or reaffirm singleness and chastity.
Escape. Go
for a drive, take an unscheduled vacation, delete all
your email, run away in some other way.
Professional suicide.
Quit your job, walk away, say “I quit,” take a sabbatical.
What else? What
propels you toward Internet porn?
Find other ways to satisfy these “needs.”
3. Make a policy of always having a “witness” for
deletions. Never delete the history, cookies or the Internet
temp files without a witness. Show your
witness where these files are and get them to agree to check them from time to
time making sure you’ve not deleted them between.
4. Have your spouse set your content advisor in Windows and
set a password you don’t know. This will
provide some content security—perhaps more than you want (e.g. some articles on
overcoming porn addiction may be screened).
However this is a cheap way to start and at least every minister or
ministry student can do this.
5. Get an accountability partner/program. These programs keep track of every web site you
visit then it quietly sends a report to your accountability partner. Programs like these are hard to circumvent
and allow for accountability anywhere around the world. The best-known program is probably the one at
www.covenanteyes.com. Also you might consider the program at www.bsafehome.com. Both of these programs “cost as much as a
porn video” or so, but considering the risks of porn addiction that is a small
price. See if your spouse will pay for
it. However there is simple free program
from www.integrity.com that does not
require purchase that is a good start.
Also see www.xxxchurch.com and http://www.pureonline.com/ You might find someone who is willing to be
cross-accountable and both of you use the program.
6. If addicted, get into recovery. If
you are not yet addicted concentrate on the fences above. If you are in an
addiction pattern already then get help for self-monitoring programs and even a
single accountability partner may not get you rescued in time. Get “ambidextrous” help: from both the spiritual/deliverance hand and
the addictions-recovery hand. Let both
hands help you recover. How to know if
you are addicted? You might be addicted
if you’ve tried to stop but can’t, you lose track of time, you live a secret
double life, and you’ve repeatedly broken your promises to yourself and God to
stop. If you are addicted there is still
hope, but the hope is outside yourself and a single accountability partner so
get help before destructive effects ruin your ministry or marriage or both.
7. Seek deliverance. It really is possible to0 be
delivered from this drive—not the sex drive itself but the drive to seek out
porn. God does this sort of thing. He can do it gradually though a slow and
painful process of making gains and losses.
He can do it in a short time—say over a period of 6-8 weeks. He can even do it instantaneously. This is the miracle of God’s power—not just
forgiving sin but delivering us form the desire to sin. I know many folk respond to this truth with
unbelief. They cannot believe God ever
delivers a person from wanting to sin, but He does and He can! The old time holiness preachers would say it
this way: “Let God work in you so you can watch all the porn that you want to.” Their point: God can change our wants so that we are not longer driver
to seek sin… thus, not wanting to disobey we live in
obedience. You may not believe this is
possible… and if you don’t you’ll never experience it: “so be
it unto you according to your faith.”
However if you believe God can and does do such “deliverance” in a
person start seeking this deliverance “until you find it.” That does not mean you should ignore all of
the advice above and take the short-cut of microwave spirituality. Rather, along with doing your part (#1 to #6) also seek God’s miraculous deliverance
promised here in #7. Seek until you
find…knock until the door opens… ask until you are given…
By Keith Drury with James
Fuller
July 31, 2005