You know I canít write a letter like this yet.† Itíll be a long while before I can.† But this is the letter I would write to you if I could.† Even with all my crying and fighting and struggles, I want to tell you these things.† I just canít yet.† You might have to wait a long time to hear them.† For now youíll have to take the little things I doóthe hugs and kisses stolen, the random smiles that show I appreciate you, the times I say something that melts your heartóyouíll have to take these things as reminders that you deserve to hear more than I say, or even can say at this age.
MomÖ you are the world to me.† I would like to spend every hour of every day with you.† Is that true of anyone else?† Regardless of how much I may or may not look like you, my insides are all because of you.† Yes, I might have some of you in me from birth, but everything since then has meant so much more.† Iím already picking up things from you that make me who I am.† Mostly Iím picking up the best stuff about you.† Donít feel guilty about what you arenít doing or what you wish you were doing better.† Youíre so incredible at what youíre already doing.† Nobody loves me like you.† Nobody.† Your love comes out in hundreds of ways every day, too many for me to count, which is good because I canít count so good yet.
More than anything just looking into your eyes I see it.† You love me in spite of all the diapers Iíve filled!† You love me even with the way I treat my siblings.† You love me even though I donít act like I love you all the time.
But hereís the thing.† I do love you.† I donít know how to say it enough yet and maybe I never will but you need to know how much I love you.† Decades from now Iíll experience the saddest day of my life when you pass from this life.† Iíll cry more that day than any other day in my life.† No one else means more than you, Mom.† Thereís just something special about it.† Youíre my mommy!† Nothing moreÖ and nothing less.† But thatís all that counts to me.
Thanks for all you put up with to make sure Iím well-fed, clean & dressed.† Those little tasks could be so menial and degrading but somehow you have the Christ-like humility to do them day in and day out.† You put up with so much to teach me the right way to do things, to learn all the things I need to learn before I go to school.† Most of everything important I learn in life Iíll have learned from you before I ever go to class with some other teacher: that I am loved by the people who know me best, that the world is a place that we need to be safe in but more than anything itís a fun place, that reading is a great way to learn and something fun to do together, that friends are important, that siblings should be respected and loved, that toys arenít as important as relationships, that sharing helps everyone, that saying you are sorry is hard but nothing is more admirable, that youíre proud of me for who I am more than what I do, that the way I look on the outside is less important than the attitude I have on the inside, that making funny faces will always be funny, that there is a God that loves me too, that He loves me so much He sent His only Son to save me.† You will have taught me the most important stuff of life.† Youíre my greatest teacher and role model.† You always will be.
I could go on forever about youÖ and for the rest of my life no one will be able to talk about you in my presence without me coming to your defense or without me singing your praises.† You mean so much to me.
Thank you so much for all you have done and will continue to do in raising me!
I love you,
©2004 David Drury
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