BEING DAD

Table of Contents

Dad in the Early Years:

A Dad that makes the extra effort
A Dad that loves like the Father
A Dad that humbles himself
A Dad that goofs off with his kids
A Dad that encourages the spiritual quest
A Dad that walks the family talk
A Dad that treasures his kid’s future

Dad in the Growth Years:

A Dad that teaches about finances
A Dad that uses positive reinforcement
A Dad that intentionally leaves a legacy
A Dad that regularly helps his kid grow
A Dad that uses work to teach parables
A Dad that deals with mortality
A Dad that loves mom
A Dad that teaches his kids a lesson

Dad in the Peer Years:

A Dad that deals with siblings
A Dad that can confront his kid
A Dad that comes to the rescue
A Dad that can reconnect with his kid
A Dad that knows his role
A Dad who can be a graceful grandfather

The children I leave a legacy to

A double portion of this for you

Before we get started…

As I start this book I am not yet a Dad. I am not some experienced super-Dad that does it all right and is going to make you feel guilty. Instead, I write these ideas on fatherhood with the best experience on being a Dad one could have. I have a Dad. In that sense all men can be experts on Being Dad. It is just a matter of learning from what our fathers did or did not do. While that may over-simplify something as important as fatherhood, it is crucial to start there and not miss out on what we can learn. Our childhood should be the experiment from which we know and become the Dads we really want to be.

The purpose of this little book on being a Dad is simple: that we can learn together from the things my own father did in my family and the principles of fatherhood that are revealed in these stories. Often times when speaking to friends about my father’s influence on me—even if they had never met him—they would say, “I wish I had a Dad like that,” or even “You have such an advantage in life because of your Dad.” One friend whose CEO-father was largely absent in his life even mentioned that I should write a book that talked about all the great stories and ideas that I remember from having an intentional father. I thought it was a good idea.

Let me share a few thoughts before we get to those stories and ideas…

1. We are on this trip toward better fatherhood together.

Two of the greatest blocks to becoming a better person are guilt and fear. We should not feel overly guilty about the past or fearful about the future in this process. I don’t write these pages as a “successful” father. I write them as an untested young man who desires to be a successful father, much like most men want to be, whether in our dreams of our future or because of a very present reality (such as a pregnant wife who looks ready to give birth to triplets). We will override guilt with a new hope as Dads. And let’s face our fears with the courage to pass a strong legacy on to our children.

2. Being a Dad is also about manhood.

This book is not for women. If you’re a woman, feel free to read this to better understand and support the fathers you know. But hopefully you will give it to the father of your children for him to read (he’s the guy over on the recliner watching the football game). If you become discouraged that he just keeps this book in the bathroom, don’t worry, my research leads me to believe that men do 70-80% of their reading in the bathroom! A for you men, understand that part of being a better Dad also means becoming a better man. Much of Being Dad involves tapping into our instinctual Manhood and the stories we experience or hear that teach us about it… things that sound a little bizarre to women. That’s because, believe it or not, some men on hunting trips can actually tear up a bit if they think about these things long enough. This is even more possible if that man is sitting with his dog in a Pickup truck.

3. You are not your Dad.

While we can all learn from our Dads we are not trying to imitate them. Part of Being Dad is starting new traditions and creating new realities for the next generation. What I’m saying is that if your Dad was more Al Bundy/Homer Simpson than Mr. Cleaver/Bill Cosby, don’t worry, you can break the cycle for your own kids and start fresh. In the same light, those of us with exceptionally good fathers must also seek out our own type of fatherhood without just rehashing what our Daddy did.

4. I’m a Christian and I see being a Dad through that perspective.

Not only that—I’m actually a Pastor. But think of it this way: what Father wouldn’t be proud to have their son grow up to be a “man of the cloth.” We ministers don’t get the awe and status we used to in the world, but it’s still a more preferred career path by parents than Motorcycle Gang Member. Regardless, you should know from the start that while I don’t come on like a religious zealot and over-spiritualize everything, I do believe that we can never become the Dads we really want to be without the help of God in our lives (see chapter 5). So while few chapters touch on the idea long—there is a crucial spiritual prerequisite to Being Dad like you want to be.

5. My Dad was not perfect—no Dad is.

I’m not writing a book about being a nice person. If so, I would write about my mother. She’s a much better person than my Dad. If you met them both you’d probably like her a lot more than him (like most couples). In fact, if my parents had a girl instead of all boys, that sister would be writing a book right now called Being Mom. But I’m not a woman, which leads me to believe I can’t become a mother. So I’m not struggling with how to be a mom. I’m wondering how to be a great Dad. If you’re a man, I bet you are too. My Dad was a great Dad, but he made a lot of mistakes and he’s still making them. I don’t agree with all he did or does today. There are a lot of things about him I’d rather not adopt into who I am. Making those kinds of decisions is all a part of becoming your “own” man. But we as I hinted before, the first way we must learn to be the dads we want to be is for us to look at who our own Dad were for us. And that’s why he merits my look into what and how he did what he did.

6. “Dad” is the most important name you’ll read in this book.

I never mention my Dad’s name in these pages. I don’t need to. To those that don’t know him, the principles found here stand firmer on their own and could be applied to your own father, or to the way you would like to be as a father. To those that do know him, these principles only add to the remarkable figure you have heard of or know well. To me, he is simply, and incredibly, Dad.

David Drury

Spring Lake, Michigan

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